Chocolate's A Bitch
by wirenoose
Summary: Matt's new roommate, and best friend, is hiding something. And he's determined to find out what it is. (Contains triggers, rated T for language in later chapters and upsetting themes) MelloxMatt in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note**

* * *

Matt opened his eyes as soon as Mello shut the door. Carefully, the red head got out of bed and followed.

His roommate and best friend of four months had a bad habit of disappearing at night and periodically throughout the day, usually around meal times.

Mello had only recently arrived at Wammy's House and both boys had been surprised when they'd started getting along. Matt because no one really ever noticed him and Mello because he found it hard to really like anyone enough to spend his days with.

Matt entered the hallway just in time to see Mello's bright blond head disappear around the corner.

By the time he go to that corner however, Mello was nowhere in sight.

"Damn." He swore softly.

Matt began to make his way back to their shared room, pausing to look at Mello's hastily vacated bed before falling into his own, trying to squash his worries down with the pillow.

The following morning, Matt, who was by no means a morning person, was woken by Mello, who appeared to rise with the sun without complaint.

"Matt, get your lazy bones out of bed!" the ten year old shouted.

When Matt didn't get up, Mello threw a shoe at him.

"Come on, we're gonna miss breakfast!" Mello eventually dragged him, zebra pajamas and all, out of bed and down to the meal hall.

Mello always ate before he showered and Matt had timed him once. The boy took all of twenty five minutes, and that was just without doing his hair; which tacked on an extra ten minutes.

Matt watched as Mello dived into a breakfast three times the size it should be. He didn't quite understand where Mello was putting all that food in the first place. A lot of the older kids at Wammy's House had taken to calling Mello 'Little Sister' as a hit to his feminine body, even if he was only ten. But Mello was really thin, never putting on weight, and it made Matt a little jealous.

Mello was done before Matt was half way through and he ran off, calling over his shoulder that he'd wait for Matt in Math Class.

Matt took his time with his food, not really worrying about the time because even if he was number two now, it still allowed him to walk into class a few minutes late.

And besides, he didn't want to interrupt Mello's all important shower time.

* * *

What do you think?

CaB was originally posted on my deviantart account but I took it down after I cleaned up my gallery and I figured I might as well let you guys check it out.

If we get a good response on this, I'll put up the next chapter mmkay?

Thank you Lovelies!

~wirenoose


	2. Chapter 2

Here's chapter 2!

_**Warning: Contains triggers, (i.e. bulimia**__**)**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note**

* * *

_"Mika?"_

_Four year old Mihael stared at his big sister with concern. It was only two in the morning, what was she doing up? She had a recital in the afternoon at school and she needed her sleep._

_"Mihael." Mika looked startled, like she hadn't expected to see her kid brother._

_"Are you sick?" he asked quietly, taking another step into the bathroom. Mika had been vomiting, she usually only did that when she was sick._

_Mika sighed, flushed the toilet and walked to the sink. She fumbled for her toothbrush and emptied the rest of the toothpaste onto it, attacking her gums and teeth with enough force to make her spit blood when she rinsed her mouth._

_A while ago, Mika had promised not to lie to her scarily intelligent little brother. Mihael would have figured it out at some point anyways. He was a prodigy after all._

_"No sweetie." She said, rinsing off her toothbrush and drying her mouth._

_"Then what's wrong?" Mika picked him up and gave his head a quick kiss._

_"I- I'm not sick exactly, I'm purging." She said slowly, hoping that Mihael wouldn't know the word yet. The boy read the dictionary every day but she didn't think he was that far along yet._

_"Purging?" Mihael ran the word through his memory, trying to call up a definition._

_"Mm-hmm, getting rid of all the nasty food."_

_Mihael looked confused._

_Food wasn't nasty, he liked food, especially when his father made it. His mom wasn't the best cook in the world._

_Mika set her brother on his bed, tucking him in and giving him another kiss before flipping off the light._

_"Mama doesn't want chubby kids, Mihael, I'm not quite thin enough for her so I gotta get all the yucky food out."_

_Then Mika left._

_Mihael though back to how he found his sister, and then to the doctor visits and how he gagged when the doctors stuck the tongue depressor in his mouth._

* * *

Mello splashed some water on his face and rinsed out his mouth, grimacing at the residue stomach acid that clung there.

Drying his face with his shirt, Mello thought back to Mika and how his mother would sometimes poke her stomach or sides.

The boy turned off the lights and shut the door.

The first floor bathrooms were away from any of the bedrooms so he didn't have to worry about waking up any of the other kids, Matt especially.

He knew Matt saw him get up that night, a few weeks ago. It hadn't happened again but Mello knew he had to be more careful, keeping a secret was hard enough. Keeping a secret in an orphanage full of geniuses was even harder.

Quietly, he opened the door and slipped in, only to find Matt awake and playing some game.

"What are you doing up?" Mello asked instinctually, not thinking that the question would be turned on him. He and Matt may be best friends but thus far, Matt had proved to be a follower who didn't ask too many questions and Mello was fine with that. He was an Alpha personality and if Matt was the same, there would be some problems.

"I could ask you the same thing." Matt said, pausing his game and looking over to Mello.

His goggles hid his eyes and Mello couldn't get a read on him. Did he know? Did he suspect?  
Was he just curious about Mello's whereabouts? Maybe he just thought he was out meeting someone, or causing trouble.

"It's none of your business Matt." Mello spat, diving under the covers as his cheeks grew red.

They didn't speak to each other for the next couple of days.

* * *

So, yeah, if the Warning at the top didn't spell it out for you then this chapter hinted heavily at it and proclaimed it on a neon sign. Regardless, I hope this chapter turned out okay, please tell me what you think!

Thank you Lovelies!

~wirenoose


	3. Chapter 3

Hi everybody! I received an excellent question in a review and I sort of feel stupid that I didn't point this out before but here goes.

It was pointed out that the boys are only ten. Now, in my mind, their physical age is combated by that of their mental age and so I naturally tack on another four or five years to their maturity level. I understand that had this story been a non fan fiction, it would be highly unlikely that you'd have a bulimic ten year old and I can see how that might be an upsetting or controversial sort of thing. In this particular fiction, Mello was exposed to it at a very young age and given his inferiority complex and his stubbornness, and the fact that his mental maturity far outweighs his physical age, the fact that he was ten totally flew over my head.

So, sorry guys.

Matt does sort touch on that in this chapter though.

I thank you for reading that absurdly long explanation and I hope you still want to read the story!

**Warning: possible trigger warning**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note**

* * *

"You seen Matt?" Mello asked.

Linda shook her head, pig tails whipping about her head, and hurried off.

Mello growled angrily and kicked a wall, forgetting for a moment that he didn't have any shoes on. Now with an aching foot, Mello walked as proudly as possible for a ten year old.

He and Matt had been avoiding each other since Mello snapped at him. Sure, it had only been a few days but Mello had never had a friend before and he wanted Matt back. Mello had already checked Matt's usual hangouts, the east gate, the kitchen and the unused hallway in the north side of Wammy's House.

"Hey, blondie." Mello spun, ready to punch someone in the face, only to find himself staring at a much larger fifteen year old.

Mello chose to scowl instead.

"Heard you were looking for goggle boy."

"Yeah, what's it to you?" Mello asked.

"You can find him in the library."

Mello went racing, only after placing a well-aimed punch to the boy's solar plexus.

It took some looking but he found Matt slumped against a bookshelf.

"What the hell happened?"

Matt looked up with a lazy grin on his face.

"I pissed off Carter, and he and his goons decided to pound on a little nine year old." Matt said, coughing a bit.

"You okay?"

"I just said I got pounded you idiot, do I look okay?"

And Matt really didn't.

There were bruises dotting his face, a particularly nasty one on his jaw, and judging by the way he was breathing, Mello would guess that they paid attention to his torso.

"Come on."

Mello, being Mello, pulled the red head to his feet and dragged him back to their room, all but tossing him onto the bed.

Matt gasped in pain and was about to tell Mello off when he saw the look on the blonde's face.

"What?"

"Sorry," he mumbled, "that I snapped."

A grin appeared on Matt's bruised face, "Look at this, the great Mello, saying sorry to Wammy's lowly second place."

He had been in first until Mello calm along.

"Well, Wammy's lowly second place just got beat up so I figured I'd brighten his day."

"With your apology?"

"You're the only one who's heard so shut it."

Mello got on his own bed and pulled out a book, hiding his face in it.

After a few more minutes, he asked, "Still friends right?"

Matt just rolled his eyes and nodded.

* * *

Mello's nightly excursions kept up for another year, increasing with the arrival of Near, who quickly bumped Mello to second rank.

It made Mello more irritable, angrier, Matt would even say explosive. Eventually, even Roger took note of Mello's jump in volatile behavior.

Matt stopped thinking as much about the grave importance of Mello's nights and focused more on keeping Mello, and himself, safe and out of trouble during the day.

But one day, Mello fainted.

Mello never fainted.

Hell, Mello never even got sick.

The worst Matt had seen him was extremely tired, tired enough to sleep fourteen hours never to just collapse.

And it gave Matt a moment to really look at his friend.

Mello had always looked thin, his 'Little Sister' nickname enforcing his femininity, but Mello looked _sick_, and Matt could easily make out the blue veins that ran beneath the thin skin.

"Mells?" he called quietly.

Nothing.

But there was a pulse.

Matt panicked and called for Roger, for anyone.

Mello was admitted to a hospital and the doctor's there told him that Mello need help.

Mello was too thin.

Mello's organs were weak.

Mello's stomach was broken.

Ten year old Matt didn't understand why though. Mello was strong, he ate a lot, lots more than he should but he always worked off the excess by playing soccer. He was skinny sure, but some kids were just born skinny, Mello had to have some sort of super-fast metabolism or something, Matt reasoned.

No matter what, the doctors had to be wrong. They had to be.

Then Matt heard it.

When the doctors thought he wasn't listening and whispered it to Roger.

Bulimia.

Matt knew what it was.

And now, Mello's disappearances made sense.

But Mello was only eleven and even if he was puking every night, there was no way it could have gotten to the point where his stomach had gotten that messed up. That only happened after years of bulimia…right?

Matt waited, refused to leave actually, until they were allowed to take Mello back, with a strict dietary planner and doctor's orders. Matt stuck close to them as they left the hospital, afraid to touch him in case Mello would yell at him about he wasn't weak and that Matt should worry about himself.

On the way back, Mello never said a word.

* * *

Grr...

I'm not entirely happy with this chapter so I'll try to make the next one better.

Thank you to all of you who reviewed, favorited and followed, you are awesome! To anyone else reading this, please let me know what you think?

Thanks for reading Lovelies!

~wirenoose


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys, yeah, I know, it's been a while since I updated, and I'm super sorry about that. A review popped up last week and I thought 'wow, people are still reading this?' but yup, updates should continue from this point on!

_**Warning: Bulimia triggers**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note**

* * *

"I don't want it." he said, turning back to his book.

"Just eat it Mells, you can run it off later."

Matt had been attached to Mello since he came back from the hospital last week. Mello had been given a strict meal plan, he was told he wouldn't be able to participate in classes unless he ate his meals. Matt had been given a completely different set of instructions. Do not let Mello out of your sight, do not let Mello leave the room at night, do not let Mello exercise excessively, try to talk some sense into the boy.

Like that was ever easy.

Trying to get Mello to hear him out was the same as talking to a brick wall.

So Matt had devised a plan. He knew Mello kept trying to sneak out at night, he stopped him each time, but Matt had figured something out.

He knew Mello liked chocolate, but the blond had refrained from eating some as of late, Matt was going to change that.

Cautiously, Mello took the bar and tore off the wrapper, wedging a piece between his teeth as he continued his work. Matt just leaned back in his chair and pulled out his gameboy, he may only be number three but when it came to Mello, Matt was the number one expert.

* * *

Mello knew Matt would probably catch him, and report it to Roger, but he didn't care. He had to get out, he couldn't stand it.

He waited until Matt's breathing had evened out before carefully slipping out of bed. It wasn't until he opened the door that the red head stirred. Stirred. Didn't wake up. Heaving a sigh of relief, a quiet one at that, Mello rushed off to the first floor bathroom and threw open the door, locking it behind him.

Mello tried not to think of Matt has he knelt down. Matt would be so dissapointed, but he couldn't help it. Couldn't help it. The doctors thought otherwise and if it weren't for Roger, he would have been sent to rehab. If he was to be grateful to the old man for anything, it would be that.

The tile was cold, he could feel it through his pajama pants as he knelt down. He rolled up his sleeve, foldling his cuff neatly at the elbow, tugging the rubber band from his wrist so he could tie back his hair. Mello had never much like this part. Mika hadn't either.

_"__Does it hurt?" he asked._

_Mika looked down at him. The siblings were in Mika's room, curled on the window seat and reading, Mello in her lap. _

_"Does what hurt?" she asked, feigning innocence and Mello knew it to, so he fixed her with a hard look._

_Mika sighed and then bit her lip._

_"Not really, the worst part is when you're about to start, and you're just kneeling there. There are little bits of yourself that are telling you you don't have to do it then there's another that tells you not to be a pansy. And you just sit there for a minute and-" Mika faded out and Mello gave his sister a small hug._

_"Okay, I understand." he said quietly._

_Mika just kissed his forehead and resumed reading._

Confusion bubbled in Mello's mind.

What was going on?

He pressed down further, eyes screwed shut as the salty tears that always came threatened to drip down his face.

Nothing was coming up.

Mello panicked.

Had Matt known? Had he given him the chocolate knowing that he wouldn't have been able to throw it up? How would he have known that anyhow? He couldn't just google that, people didn't just talk about what was hard to vomit.

Mello ran a quick check through his head, trying to remember how many chocolate bars he'd eaten throughout the day. He'd been studying most of the time and the chocolate just seemed to never run out. Calculating the number of pieces he'd eaten, Mello came up with a rough estimate of six bars total.

The young boy blanched.

Not only did he have three meals in his stomach, but there were six chocolate bars there to, preventing anything from coming up.

"No," he whispered, "I can't believe it. No."

Against his will, hot tears poured down his cheeks. His breath sped up as panic coursed through his system. What would he do now?

The door creaked open and Mello scrambled up, swiping away the tears and hastily scrubbing at his eyes.

Matt stood there, his left pant leg was scrunched up to his knee from sleep, the seams all twisted about. But he looked as if he'd been up for hours, not just awakening from slumber.

"M-Matt." Mello said, because, what else could he say?

"Come on Mello, let's go to bed." Matt held out a hand.

Mello searched the red head's eyes for something. Anything. Disgust, anger, sadness, hell, he'd even take pity.

But there was nothing but fatigue and warmth there.

Mello was confused.

"Matt, I-"

"Wash your face Mells, your eyes are a little red. I'll wait till you're done."

But Mell didn't move.

Matt sighed and took a few steps forward, helping Mello over to the sink. He turned on the faucet and wet his hand, gently rubbing the water into Mello's face, cleaning away the tears. The paper towel dispenser was empty that night, so Matt used his sleeve, patting Mello's skin dry before taking the blond's hand and leading him out of the washroom.

The two boys were silent as they returned to their shared room. Matt had to force Mello to sit on his bed and then proceeded to lay him down, tugging the covers up to his chin, just how Mello liked it. The gamer gave his a friend a quiet look, patting his head before returning to the comfort of his own bed.

He quietly counted the seconds until Mello got up, shuffled over and none to gently, shoved Matt a few inches over. Matt didn't say anything though, Mello had done worse. The blond climbed in under the blanket, leaving a sizeable amount of space between them, but they faced each other.

"Matt?" Mello called quietly after a minute.

"Yes Mells?" Matt figured it would be safer to call him Mells, it might calm him down a bit more.

"I hate you." the whisper was almost inaudible.

Matt just grinned a cheeky grin and reached over to grab Mello's hand.

"Yeah, I hate you to."

* * *

So, yup, Mello one week after he was released from the hospital. I know that it's a common theory that Mello always ate a lot of chocolate but for this fic, he wasn't as super addicted before this point.

And also, the title kinds makes sense now doesn't it?

Look forward to a psychiatrist in the next chapter or the one after. I would have put them in this chapter or done one previous but I'm still cultivating a personality for them so that they can work well, or very very very poorly, with Mello. I've been toying with the idea for a while now but **Weaselandcherry** mentioned on in their review and I decided I would go ahead with one, so thank you!

Anyhow, if you've got any questions, feel free to ask, and be sure to tell me what you think!

Thank you Lovelies!

~wirenoose


	5. Chapter 5

Matt woke the next morning to find Mello still beside him, hair mused, sticking up in some parts, clinging to his face in others. He just grinned, and shoved him off the bed.

The blond jolted awake, swearing. Mello had a vocabulary that was beyond any eleven year old's. Matt still had no idea where he'd learned it.

By the time the two boys were dressed, there was a knock at the door.

"I've got it." Matt said with an exasperated huff as Mello glared at the wall.

Roger stood there, looking like he'd much rather be back in his office with his bug books. Matt knew why he was here, of course he knew, they'd talked about it, and Matt knew that Mello would hate him for the present. He was willing to take the chance though.

Mello caught sight of Roger and glared, rolling himself up in the blanket like a burrito, attempting childish stubbornness. The look doesn't suit him, Matt thought for a second.

Roger bent a little lower so Matt could hear him without Mello eavesdropping.

"Bring him to the third office on the first floor, after classes are over." he said stiffly before turning on his heel and walking off down the hallway.

"What did he want?" Mello asked, worming out of the blanket and fixing his hair.

"Um, well, you're going to have a visitor, after classes." Matt said, pulling on his goggles.

Mello's eyes narrowed in an instant and Matt instantly thought of blue fire, the kind you got when you set body spray alight. Some of the older kids had done that, sprayed a bunch of the stuff on the walkway then tossed a match on it. The fire had looked solid, and bright blue.

"I don't need a therapist Matt." he said, voice steely.

Matt put his hands up, taking a step back subconsciously, "It wasn't my idea, honest."

Mello kicked a pillow and it went sailing over to the desk, knocking down a stack of papers before he fell face first onto his own bed, trying to control his breathing.

"Mells?" Matt carefully approached, keeping his hands by his head. He knew that maybe, treating Mello like a feral animal wasn't the smartest of moves but it was the only thing he could do at the moment and it was a subconscious reaction anyways.

"You knew that the chocolate wouldn't come up huh?" Mello muttered.

"What?"

"You knew. You knew I liked chocolate but that I wouldn't eat a lot because it wouldn't come back up. You _knew." _he hissed.

Matt thought about lying, saying that, no, he didn't know and just thought it would help Mello put on a bit more weight. But Matt did know. Mello had shared a chocolate bar with him once, he'd gotten sick later that day and almost choked because he couldn't vomit properly. So technically, he'd suspected. But he knew Mello wouldn't be able to control the urge to eat them, especially when Matt just kept slipping him bar after bar while he was in a study haze.

"Y-yeah, I knew." the gamer said quietly. "But I only did it because I'm worried for you. You're my only friend Mells."

He waited. Waited for Mello to respond. To be honest, Matt would have prefered angry yelling over Mello's cold silence.

The blond only nodded and rolled off the bed, tugging on his shoes and grabbing his history textbook.

* * *

Matt had to grab Mello's wrist to keep him from running away when they got out of math class.

"I don't want some idiot trying to pick my brain." Mello muttered as Matt slowly tugged him down the hall. If there was one thing Matt had to be thankful for at the moment was that Mello was thin and weaker than Matt, but damn, the blond made use of every corner and door to slow their progress.

"They're just trying to help Mello." Matt argued.

"I don't need their help."

"I hate to say it Mells, but you kind of do. You're eleven for god's sake."

"So are you!" Mello shouted as his grip on the wall slipped and Matt gained a precious seven inches.

"That's irrelevant!"

"I don't see why it's such a big deal!"

"What is such a big deal?" a monotone voice froze the both of them in their tracks.

Near, as well as the rest of Wammy's House, didn't know why Mello had collapsed. The story was that he'd just worked himself to the point of over exhaustion. No one knew about the bulimia but Matt and Roger.

Matt, if he was being truly honest with himself, thought that Near maybe made Mello's situation a bit worse. Mello strived for perfection, it's why he was in the predicament that he was. And he was okay for a while, his nightly rendezvous with the bathrooms had decreased a bit and he was number one at the orphanage. But then Near had come along, bumped him into second and Mello felt inferior. He frequented the first floor bathroom more often and studied harder, ate less. Matt didn't blame Near, no, Mello's situation was his own, but Near had just been another keg of gasoline on the fire.

"It's none of your business you albino freak!" Mello shouted.

The distraction allowed for Matt to Mello the rest of the way off the wall. Near just shrugged and walked off.

Once he was gone, Mello slumped in Matt's arms and the red head stumbled.

"You okay?"

"Shut up." Mello muttered, allowing Matt to drag him to the office.

"Here we are."

"I don't wanna go in. They'll just tell me that something's wrong with me. That I'm broken. I'm not broken Matt."

Matt looked down to his friend, noting that he looked just as small as he had the night previous when Matt found him the bathroom.

"You're not broken Mello. But you do need help, this isn't healthy."

"Come in with me."

"What?" Matt's eyes widened behind his goggles.

"I want you in there with me." Mello sounded sure, and he stood up straighter.

"Are you sure?"

"Why else would I say it dummy?"

A small grin wormed its way onto Matt's face and he nodded, clapping Mello on the shoulder.

"Okay then."

He rapped on the door and waited until he heard a 'come in'. Mello slowed a bit, before building up a slight bravado and strutting in. He all but dragged Matt into the room and pulled him down to the couch, tucking his knees to his chest in a defensive gesture.

They turned to the therapist and waited, surprised to see it was a woman, they'd both been expecting a man.

"Hello, it's nice to meet you Mello, and you, you must be Matt, correct?"

* * *

Yeah, I'm mean, you'll have to wait until the next chapter to properly meet the therapist.

Thank you to those who reviewed, you guys are amazing!

If you have any suggestions for the name of the therapist, I'd love to hear them, just put it in a review. Also, be sure to tell me what you think!

Thanks for reading Lovelies!

~wirenoose


	6. Chapter 6

You guys are awesome, just wanted to say it :)

Here is chapter six and for once there isn't a major bulimia warning just a minor one, who'd have thought?

**Warning: Mention of Bulimia**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note**

* * *

Mello gave his therapist a once over.

She looked to be in her mid thirties, brunette, though she dyed red high lights into it, he could tell, she had a spot of dye on her neck. Her eyes were green, flecked in gold, magnified by thick, not quite bifocals, purple framed glasses. She wore a light blue blouse and a charcoal skirt and he felt the need to gag from her obvious perfume covered scent of cigarette smoke.

Their hands were hidden by his drawn up knees and Matt's floppy shirt so he didn't feel as worried when he tightened his grip on Matt's hand. This woman was going to attempt to analyze him. To figure out how he ticked. What made his gears turn and his fire burn brighter.

He didn't want her to.

"My name is Sheridan, Sheridan King. Mr. Ruvie hasn't told me much, just about your situation, I understand the privacy in place here." she said.

Odd, Mello thought, she doesn't sound like a long term smoker. Did she recently start? Pressures of the job?

"Now, I understand that you may not feel like this is necessary, and you may not think that there's anything...wrong...with what you're doing. But that's why I'm here, we'll talk through this and come up with a- a healthy solution."

Mello gripped Matt's hand even tighter, ignoring the red head's pained grimace as his blood flow was cut off.

"While it demonstrates the amount of trust you have in Matt, I think it would be beneficial for him not to be here for our first meeting, maybe, at a later date, we can have him back in." she turned to Matt, "Sweetie, why don't you go, you can wait in your room for Mello."

Matt nodded and made to get up.

"Wait-" Mello started but willed down his emotion.

"Yes?" Matt asked.

"Wait outside here, don't go back to our room without me." he covered.

"Sure, got my game boy anyways." Matt ruffled his hair and Mello didn't miss the warm gaze he got from behind the orange lenses.

Once the door closed, Mello put his knees down, crossing one over the other and leaning on the arm of the couch. He'd seen the pose used by the older girls when they decided to be cold and sassy. Mika had done it to, when their cousins came over and tried to annoy her. She never let them though, she always managed to keep her exterior in check.

Mello thought he could do the same.

"So, you two are roommates." Sheridan said, pulling a notebook from a satchel.

"Yes." Mello said shortly.

"I suppose you two get along well."

"We do."

"As I understand it, it was Matt who alerted Mr. Ruvie after you collapsed."

Mello stayed quiet, fixing his gaze on the bookshelf.

He had tried not to dwell on how his collapse had affected Matt. The gamer was tough, sure, not as tough as Mello, but he liked to think that Matt was fine. No way Matt would be so worried.

"Okay, let's try talking about what made you start this- this habit-"

"Miss King, I feel the need to tell you that though I am eleven I am not a child and I would appreciate it if you didn't speak to me as such."

Mello watched in veiled glee as the woman floundered for a proper reaction.

"Oh, okay then, right, yes. Then I will be frank with you. When were you first exposed to bulimia?"

* * *

Matt stared at his screen, eyes glazed, mind on autopilot.

He was worried about Mello. The boy had obvious issues with authority and the fact that this woman was a therapist was even worse. Would Mello's temper get the better of him? Would he throw things, scream? Or would he break down? Sob? Oh god.

If he did that then Matt had to be in there. Mello couldn't be alone with that woman.

No Matt, Mello is strong, he said to himself, he's the toughest boy I know, except for the whole collapsing bit but that's irrelevant...

But it really wasn't.

Matt had no idea what possessed his friend so strongly that he'd puke his guts out. Well, he knew, but he didn't really know. And he'd decided that that was okay for now. When Mello was ready, he'd tell him but until then Matt had vowed to move heaven and Earth to get Mello back on his feet.

A crash brough him from his thoughts and Matt jolted up as a blur of blond and black rushed by him.

"Mells!" he chased after him.

While Matt was substantially stronger than his slight friend, Mello had the advantage of speed. All those hours playing soccer and sprinting laps had given him the track and field legs that Matt was sorely lacking.

"Mello! What happened?" Mello turned a corner and Matt managed to catch the older boy's sleeve, causing both of them to tumble, half crashing into each other, half into the wall.

Matt scurried up, untangling their limbs so he could get a good look at his friend.

Mello's eyes were red, shining, tears not yet shed if his dry cheeks were anything to go by. However, they were red, evidence that the blond had gotten angry, very angry. Like Hulk, only red, not green.

Before Matt could look further, Mello had curled in on himself, hiding his body wracking shakes under the ruse of muscle strain as he shrunk smaller and smaller.

Matt sat down beside him, putting an arm around his shoulder and lightly tugging him closer.

"Alright. You're okay Mello, it's alright." Matt continued the string of comforts, all the while rubbing Mello's arm and sometimes squeezing his shoulder.

When Mello stopped shaking, Matt helped him up and guided him to their room. He let Mello curl up on his bed and jumped up beside him, waiting until the blond spoke.

"I hate her." Mello whispered.

"You hate a lot of people." Matt countered.

"She insulted my sister."

Oh, well that changed things.

Mello didn't talk all that much about Mika, but Matt knew he held the girl in the highest regards. The two had been close and Mello had all but lain hero worship upon her. For someone to insult her, even unknowingly, would lead to a fist fight.

"What did she say?" Mello was wrapped up in the blanket, hiding in it like it was a nest.

"That Mika was a bad example and it's her fault my life is in shambles. She thought Mika did _drugs_, Mika would never do that, she was perfect, there was nothing wrong with her...and there's nothing wrong with me."

The blond happened to poke his head out of his blankets then and Matt was given the stunning impression of a turtle who'd stayed his whole life in his shell and was only now just poking his head out.

Matt grinned and Mello sat up quickly to punch his shoulder. It would no doubt bruise but Matt didn't really care.

"There's nothing wrong with you Mello." he said simply, "Nothing at all."

And though it would most likely get him hit, Matt hugged his friend. It's what his mom used to do when he was feeling bad. Maybe it would work on Mello to?

Mello just froze.

Matt soon pulled back and clapped Mello on the shoulder.

"I'm sure that there's a soccer game outside, you wanna go see?"

Mello was up and pulling him from the room before Matt even heard him say yes.

* * *

So yes, we introduce our therapist who will be making a bigger appearance in later chapters and I decided to sort of let everything cool down for this chapter.

Thank you to those who reviewed and all the lovely readers, followers and favorite-ers (it's not a word oh well) you guys are the best! Be sure to ask me if you've got any questions and tell me what you think!

Thanks for reading Lovelies!

~wirenoose


	7. Chapter 7

You guys are awesome! The reviews make my day a trillion times better and seeing all the reads is just the icing on the cake, so thank you, you guys are wonderful!

**Warning: mentions of Bulimia**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note**

* * *

Of course, due to Mello's track record with sports, Matt had to drag him away after a half hour when he realized Mello was just running around unnecessarily. He'd grabbed the boy by his wrist and tugged him, bending to hook his elbow around his leg to pull Mello up into a fireman's carry. Mello tried thrashing but Matt just tightened his grip and brought Mello inside.

"You said I could play!" Mello protested.

"_Play_ Mells, not vehemently excerise. You're eleven for god's sake."

"So are you! And you're acting like a little adult!"

"Well I'm sorry but I want to live out my life with my best friend and I don't want you going to a hospital again." He had to loosen his grip to open their door but Mello didn't try to get out of the hold just yet.

Matt dumped him on his bed and sat down on his own.

"So help me Mello, if i have to, I will handcuff you to me before we go to sleep, just so I know you're alright."

Mello looked up into the blazing green of Matt's eyes, no longer obstructed by his goggles. Matt wasn't that much of an imposing figure, he looked like a background character when he wasn't dressed so oddly. But right then, Mello saw fire in those eyes.

"Matt-"

"Look Mello, I've been trying not to crack down on you, I think you're strong, you're the strongest boy I've ever met and I thought you could beat this on your own for the most part, but if I have to start force feeding you I will, and you won't be allowed to play any more sports and I'm gonna start carrying you everywhere so you won't burn any calories. You're my best friend and I'm not gonna lose you because you think you're not good enough!"

Matt's breathing was heavy, the fire in his eyes were replaced by desperation and tears and his cheeks were tinged pink. His voice had cracked and broken and his rant had been perferated with gulps of air he'd forgotten he needed. All in all, Matt looked on the verge of sobbing.

Mello didn't know what to do.

Matt turned to dig something from his bed side table and handed it to Mello.

"You need to promise me something." he said when Mello took the chocolate bar.

"What?"

Matt took a deep breath, "Every time, any time, you think about," he shuddered, "throwing up or think anything negative about yourself, you're going to eat a bar of chocolate. An _entire_ bar."

Mello understood Matt's train of thought in this matter. Since the chocolate would prevent Mello from vomitting, or at the very least, make it painful for him to, he would eventually stop. And maybe he would, but maybe he wouldn't. Matt was his best friend yes, but it was near impossible to stop those little naggling voices in the back of his head that whispered he wasn't perfect. That he wasn't smart enough, that he'd never be good enough.

"Mello, please, at least promise that you'll try." Matt begged, grabbing Mello by his thin shoulders, about to shake him.

They held each other's gaze for too long, both waiting on the other.

But Mello finally caved and nodded.

"I'll try."

* * *

Matt kept good on his promise that night and somehow procurred a pair of handcuffs. He crawled into bed with Mello and clipped on the cuff before Mello realized he even had them with him.

"Matt!"

"I'm serious Mello, I may be a heavy sleeper but even I'm gonna wake up if you get out of bed. And don't think about picking the lock because then I'm just gonna have to tell Roger not to let you take the next placement test," with that said, Matt put the other cuff on his own wrist and laid down, stealing one of Mello's pillow and curling around it.

"What the hell!" Mello was still partially sitting up, propped up on the arm without the cuff, staring incredulously at the back of Matt's head.

"I'm not going to repeat myself."

"Is this really necessary?"

"Mello, use that big smart brain of yours and recall our earlier conversation. Then use your big smart brain to figure out why this is necessary."

The blond stared at his friend, having half a mind to just drag the red head around the room until he agreed to unlock the handcuffs. But he had no doubt that Matt would make sure he didn't take the test. Mello couldn't afford that.

Sighing, he laid down and ruefully tugged on the chain, making Matt's hand jump into the air.

"Mello." he warned.

"Matt."

"Let me get my sleep or I'm going to start slipping sleeping pills into your food."

Mello grumbled and made a fuss about getting comfortable, to the point where he heard a low growl from Matt before smirking, satisfied, and laying down again.

Matt eventually fell asleep and Mello sighed.

He set his unchained hand on his stomach, poking and prodding it like he'd seen his mother do to Mika's. It wasn't quite bloated but he'd put on a bit of weight. Matt had done away with the scale in their bathroom after he'd caught Mello staring at the red needle that indicated he'd gained five pounds since leaving the hospital. He wasn't happy about it.

The bulimia was such a normal thing to him at that point. And to have it taken away, to be forced to eat. Mello_ hated _it. Matt made sure to tell him that he looked fine, that he looked healthy with a little protective layer of fat on his stomach. But Mello didn't think so. To him, healthy had always meant skinny.

Mika had suffered through getting her collar bone broken once because her bones were brittle from years of forceful vomitting. When that happened, Mello had stopped vomiting, if only for a month or two. He'd thought that if that's what it led to, then he didn't want it. But he started eating again, and the negative thoughts swirled back, ten times stronger.

And he'd started up once again.

* * *

The next morning, Matt unlocked the handcuffs and watched as Mello rolled the kinks out of his back.

"What are you looking at?" Mello snapped.

"Your hips protrude way too far."

In Mello's stretching, his baggy wife beater had slid up, revealing his concave stomach and bony hips.

"They do not." he protested.

Matt sighed and tugged up his own shirt, showing Mello the fact that his hip bones were hardly visible at all.

"See?"

Mello wanted to say that he saw excess fat. He wanted to tell him what he heard his mother tell Mika, _"If I can't count your ribs, you're not thin enough."_ But this was Matt, he coulnd't just say that to him.

Yes, on any day, Mello could pitch a fit and scream and swear at Matt. But he couldn't insult him. Playfully calling him stupid, or an idiot was one thing, it was another to call him fat. Mello knew what it felt like to be put down, he couldn't do that to his only friend.

"Yeah."

The two walked down to breakfast, still in pajamas and ran into Near in the hallway.

"Mello met with his therapist yesterday correct? How did it go?" the younger boy asked.

It was only his past experience with Mello that allowed for Matt to predict the anger that would erupt out of the blond. He latched onto Mello's waist and locked his fingers around his wrist, bending his legs to give him a slight bit of traction. Mello kicked and thrashed, all the while calling Near every name in the book.

Through it all though, Near just stared, a blank, though not vacant, look on his face. He appeared disinterested with the insults.

"I see what I have said has offended Mello, I will go now." Near shuffled down the hall, oblivious to the fact that Mello still had an inferno raging inside of him.

"Get back here you cowardous sheep!" he shouted.

"Mells, chill out."

"No! Matt let me go! God damn it, _now_ Matt! I need to pound his stupid little albino face. It'll give him some color!" he projected the last bit to Near's disappearing form down the hallway.

"Mello, he's Near, of course he figured out, but leave it, beating his face in makes you no different than the people who used to wail on me. And it's not going to change the fact that Near knows you're seeing a therapist, he's not the type to spread that sort of thing around so _calm the hell down_."

Mello didn't stop thrashing right away, rather he slumped in Matt's arms and once the gamer was sure he wasn't going to run off, he loosened his hold.

"Alright?"

"Shut up goggles." Mello muttered, picking himself and dragging Matt to the dining hall. "I'm under the impression I can't attend class if I don't eat breakfast."

A bit confused by the turn about, Matt nodded slowly.

They began walking but Mello held out his hand, looking away from Matt as he did so.

"Hey, Matty?" he whispered as they were almost at the hall.

"Yeah?"

"Um, the deal we made last night...can I eat chocolate for breakfast?"

* * *

I will cut it short today but you know what to do by now I hope, ask questions and tell me what you think.

Thanks Lovelies!

~wirenoose


	8. Chapter 8

I'm a loser, I know. I meant to upload sooner but I got sick and then I was catching up on Criminal Minds and I went to see Dracula Untold, holy eff that movie is awesome. But that's besides the point.

You guys are amazing! I cannot express how much reviews make my day better, they make me smile, so thank you!

I've kept you guys waiting for a few days so read on!

**Warning: mentions of Bulimia**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note**

* * *

It had been three weeks since Matt had used the handcuffs to keep Mello from sneaking out at night. Although that wasn't to say that Mello hadn't thrown up in that time, Matt couldn't be everywhere at once. Usually, when they returned from breakfast to shower, Mello would flip on the fan and start running the water. Matt usually timed him but Mello was willing to sacrifice a minute or two that he used to use to deep clean his hair.

In that time, Sheridan had seen him for nine appointments, three every week. He still hated the woman, though maybe Matt or Roger had talked to her because Mika hadn't been brought up again. Mello had commented on her recent weight gain and the fact that she was starting to show signs of premature wrinkling and greying hair. Though, the grey hair thing was probably his fault, he made sure to put her through hell during their sessions.

Mello had enlisted the help of one of the younger children to distract her before their session one day so he could sneak a look at her notes. They all spoke volumes to his anger management and inferiority complex as well as a side note that stated she must find a way to get through to him. Like that was going to happen.

Matt had handcuffed them together every night since the first one and though Mello hated to say it, he got used to the extra presence.

"Matt?" he called quietly as the red head pulled the blankets up to his chin.

"I trust you Mello, don't make me wrong."

"What the hell!?" the blond shouted.

"I'm serious."

"You're crazy!"

"We both are."

Mello was getting angry and he didn't know why. It might be Matt's tone, it was too calm. Did he expect Mello to sneak out since he was no longer handcuffed? Is that why he was using such a guilting statement? That had to be it, he was going to play on Mello's soft side for him. Sneaky bastard.

"Matt-"

"Unless you'd rather me handcuff you, if you feel safer that way then I guess I don't have a choice."

"Safer?" Mello asked incredulously.

"Yeah, you feel safer knowing that you won't be able to sneak out. You feel safer with me don't you?" Matt had yet to turn around so Mello was staring at the back of his head.

"Go to Hell." the blond spat.

"I'm not judging you Mells," Matt sat up and swung his legs off his bed, now facing Mello.

Mello just grumbled.

"Really! Honest to god Mells-"

"You're an atheist, that statement means absolutely nothing," Mello cut in.

"Whatever, point is, if you want to sleep together I don't care, if it makes you feel better then I'm all for it."

The blond dropped his gaze to his hands. Why was Matt doing all this? Mello was nothing but a broken genius and he didn't see why Matt was wasting his time. Or why he cared so much.

"Why are doing all this?" he finally asked.

"You're my first and only friend Mells, I believe that speaks for itself," Matt beamed at him, holding out his hand. His baggy sleeves pooled around his wrist as he shook his hand free, waggling his fingers until Mello rolled his eyes, muttering something in Russian.

"Now, we have a Math test tomorrow, you're gonna sleep."

Mello finally took his hand and Matt's smile grew even wider. They settled in, facing each other, Matt kept hold of his hand, and Mello was the first to close his eyes.

* * *

"Mello, I think we should invite Matt in today."

Mello's eyes instantly narrowed. Why all of a sudden? Did she think that Matt would be her trump card? No way would Matt do anything to screw this up.

And though he loathed to admit it, Mello still kind of sort of wanted Matt in there with him.

He stood up and opened the door, hanging onto the door frame so only his upper body was visible. Matt sat against the wall, his DS completely untouched at his side.

"Matty?"

The red head quickly stood up and Mello tried to look beyond the orange tinted lenses. What was up with Matt? had he been crying? Is that why his lenses had little smudges on the inside.

"Yeah?"

"Um, Sheridan wants you to sit in today."

It was almost instant. The awkward air settled in and had both boys shifting on their feet. Matt picked up his DS and slid it into his pocket before casting a split second glance to Mello's hand. No doubt thinking back to the first session where Mello had just about cut off his circulation.

They sat down on the couch and Sheridan grinned.

"Alright Matt, I've decided to include you today because I feel that Mello might be more comfortable and in a better state of mind if you're here."

Matt just nodded.

She turned to Mello who just glared back.

"So, my report says that you've been eating, which is good, but it doesn't seem like you've put on the correct weight," Mello tried not to look at Matt.

"I've always been slim thank you very much, even before," Mello said calmly.

He wasn't lying either, he was born five pounds and six ounces so he didn't exactly have any spare body fat. Which is something he'd used to hide the bulimia before. Mello remembered asking Mika about bulimia and anorexia, she said that bulimia was easier to hide, people would notice if you weren't eating, and it was only after years of the practice that your body started to show signs.

"Yes well, have you weighed yourself?" she asked.

Mello arched an eyebrow. He wanted to, but Matt had somehow managed to get rid of every scale in the entire orphanage, he'd even snuck into a few of the girls' dorms to see if they had one, and nothing. He was dying to know just how much weight he put on.

"I'll take that as a no then," Sheridan scribbled something on her notepad and Mello scowled in response.

He looked at her hand and noticed a band of lighter skin around her ring finger.

"Married or divorced?" he asked. Matt gave him a look, which was ignored, before sighing and pressing back into the couch to get more comfortable.

"Married," Sheridan said slowly, gears turning. Mello had done a lot in the past month, he'd never taken an interest in her marital status and she had a feeling that it wasn't a good thing.

"Kids?"

"Yes."

"Hmm," Mello took a piece of his hair and inspected the ends before continuing, "and how do you know that none of them are in a similar situation to me? I mean, I've heard the people in the psychological profession end up as terrible parents."

He saw Matt's smirk and that confused him just a bit but he continued anyways.

"I'm just saying, they must get tired of being analyzed all the time. I know I would. That would suck, being trapped beneath a mountain of 'Perfect Parenting' god, even the thought makes me gag."

He saw the one glimmer of fear in Sheridan's eyes and he couldn't help but think that if just this was getting to her, she wasn't cut out to be a therapist.

"We are going to reschedule this session Mello, I will see you the day after next."

Mello beamed and dragged Matt out of the room.

* * *

Matt had had a feeling of dread swirling in his stomach ever since the announcement was made that test scores were posted. There was a board in the meal hall that they posted the scores on and Mello was practically bouncing as he waited for Matt to leave the room. Mello hadn't had any recent fights but since the incident with Sheridan earlier that day, Matt worried that he'd snap when he saw that he was beat by Near yet again.

"Hey Mells?" he wanted to ask if Mello still remembered their deal. He'd proposed it so that if Mello felt bad he would eat the chocolate before throwing up, which then would prevent him from doing so. He hadn't even known if it would work when he'd originally thought of it, but it had to be worth a try. But it was also for his benefit, so he could see how Mello was feeling if the blond didn't want to tell him.

"Yeah?" Mello looked confident, like he might actually have beat Near this time.

Matt didn't want to ruin that.

"Never mind," he grabbed Mello's hand and the two walked to the meal hall.

Mello immediately went to the score board, tugging Matt with him.

_Near: 100_

_Mello: 98.5_

_Matt: 95_

Matt swore in his head and made sure he had a sturdy grip on Mello's hand.

"Mello, it's okay, it was only a point and a half away, you'll do better next time."

He saw Mello's fist clench, saw the shakes that ran up his arms and down his back. Mello wasn't one to contain his anger, but he didn't want to blow up, not yet.

Instead he knocked over the board, tipped a table and kicked open the door.

Matt hurried after him, struggling to keep up with Mello's pace.

"Mello!"

Matt almost got their dorm door slammed in his face when it rebounded off the wall and he had to throw his arms up. He quickly spotted Mello, sitting on his bed, toes barely touching the ground, holding his head in his hands. With a quiet sigh, he sat down next to him, wrapping his arms around Mello in a loose hug.

The blond all but melted and fell apart into a mess of angry Russian babble and hot tears. Matt just rocked lightly back and forth, occasionally rubbing up and down Mello's arm or back, not saying anything yet because it wasn't the right time.

About ten minutes passed before Mello managed to stop crying.

"You calm now?" Matt asked quietly.

"Shut up," came his reply.

"Mells, you really shouldn't beat yourself up over this, it was just a difference of a point and a half, which is better than you've ever gotten," he added a squeeze to his statement, hoping to get Mello back to himself.

"That's not the point," Mello's voice was hoarse, emotionless. Matt didn't like it, Mello was a passionate person, he practically projected his emotions with a megaphone, well, in most cases anyways.

"Enlighten me then."

Matt waited patiently until Mello had gathered himself up enough to continue speaking.

"I'll never beat him, ever. He'll always be a step ahead, two steps, whatever. I can't beat Near. Anything I try to do, I end up failing," Matt sensed the double meaning there, hinting at Mello's failed bulimia.

"Well, I can think of one thing you haven't failed at."

Mello pulled a bit out of Matt's arms, though not entirely disentangling himself, giving him a once over.

"And what would that be?" he sounded skeptical.

"We're still friends aren't we?"

Mello just rolled his eyes and grinned, wrapping his arm around Matt's back, finally hugging him back.

"It pisses me off that you're like some wise man on a mountain right now, you know that?" Mello mumbled.

"I know."

* * *

Yay for problems resolved and stuffs! Keep in mind, I'm primarily a fluff and an angst writer so sorry if the themes keep clashing. I have been to a therapist before so I know how sessions operate and while this representation isn't totally accurate, that was my intent and it will play in later, so keep your eyes open for that.

I think this chapter covered a lot so if you've got any questions go ahead and ask, and as per usual, please tell me what you think!

Thanks Lovelies!

~wirenoose


	9. Chapter 9

Yay Chapter Nine! I really have nothing to say except that it might be a bit longer for Chapter Ten, i've science fair coming up and I have to focus on that, but no worries, I shall try and update when I can!

In other news, you people are just amazing, absolutely so, give yourselves a hug!

**Warning: Mentions of Bulimia, Bulimia** (Do I need to keep putting this Warning up or do you guys get the gist?)

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note**

* * *

"Do I even have to ask why this happened?" he asked quietly, headache building.

Near sat in the corner, a bright blue Band-Aid across his nose and though his shirt covered them, his arms and upper torso were peppered with bruises. Mello was leaning against the wall, arms crossed and the very picture of icy regality.

"Matt, tell me what happened," the red head hadn't been a part in the direct conflict but he had seen everything happen.

"I dunno," he muttered, tapping away at his Game Boy.

"You don't know or you're refusing to tell me?" Roger knew that Matt was Mello's friend but really, why couldn't he just say what happened?

"Both. Neither. One of them," Mello smirked, hiding it with a cough but he shared a sideways glance with Matt.

Roger sighed again and steepled his fingers, fixing his gaze on the blond.

"Mello, while I'm glad you appear to be in a better state of mind, but this behavior is unacceptable."

Mello just scowled.

After a few more minutes of fruitless effort, Roger decided that Mello was not allowed to go outside the orphanage for the rest of the day. Mello dragged Matt from the room after shooting a particularly nasty look in Near's direction.

Mello fell onto his bed with a huff and rolled onto his stomach.

"You okay?"

"Damn sheep," Mello muttered.

"Mells, you _did_ break his nose. You've never done that before."

And Mello hadn't.

He'd punched and kicked and slapped. Near had bruised, definitely. But Mello had never broken any of Near's bones, not even a sprain or internal bruising. And now he had broken the boy's nose.

"I wanted to snap his neck," the blond growled, voice partially muffled by his bed.

Matt rolled his eyes and patted Mello's back before retreating to his Game Boy.

He was proud of Mello, certainly not for punching Near, repeatedly, but for the fact that Mello looked healthier. Healthy enough to break Near's nose and bruise his torso, which wouldn't be a good thing under normal circumstances, but Mello's situation was delicate and special. But all in all, Mello was getting better.

The only bad thing that had happened recently was Mello going ballistic on Sheridan and knocking over a lamp and flipping an arm chair before running off in a huff. In all realities, Sheridan was an okay therapist, but she dealt with kids who actually _wanted _to get better. Mello didn't want that. Mello didn't really see the problem with his bulimia, despite the fact he was inhaling more and more chocolate every day, he didn't want to get better.

After the episode in the office, Mello had locked himself in the bathroom and Matt had to unhinge the door from the frame and drag the blond away from the toilet. He had been kicking and screaming, swearing at Matt in Russian. It had been a bad day and Matt had handcuffed Mello to his bed again, but had wrapped him up in his comforter and sat down next to him, being a silent anchor for him.

Most nights though, Mello didn't need the handcuffs, he usually crawled into bed with Matt and squeezed his fingers until they turned white. But he didn't mind so much anymore, just so long as Mello was alright.

"Hey Matty?" Mello asked, lifting his head from the mattress.

"Hmm?" he paused his game and looked up.

"Pass me a chocolate bar," he whispered.

Matt held back his sigh but got a bar of chocolate where they kept them stacked on the book shelf. He tore off the top half of the wrapper and handed it to Mello.

The blond bit into it and dropped his head again. Matt could hear the chewing over the music but he didn't say anything because this was Mello's angry chewing. He chewed like that when he was forcing himself to eat. It wasn't healthy by any means, the amount of chocolate that Mello was eating, but he was starting to gain weight, Matt could still count his ribs of course, but Mello had yet to get sick from sweet consumption so Matt kept the regimen in place.

He'd done his research to. About the effects of chocolate on a persons' mental state. Matt thought that maybe Mello needed the extra release of serotonin.

He definitely needed it.

Come dinner time, Matt picked Mello up and got him onto his back, carrying him to the meal hall. He got Mello onto a bench and got a plate together, half of himself telling to him force feed Mello.

He'd tried that once but Mello had bit his fingers.

Luckily, Mello ate on his own, slowly, but he was eating and that was enough.

"Ready to start language training?" Matt asked, knowing that Mello had been looking forward to it.

"Yes, I'm gonna crush Near to, I already know four languages, the sheep only knows one, two at the most," Mello said, stabbing into his food with nearly enough force to shatter his plate.

"Four?" Matt asked, unaware that Mello knew anything other than English and Russian.

"Yeah, English, Russian, German and Spanish," he said easily.

"Where'd you find the time to learn those?"

"My mother had a lot of people over most weeks, they all spoke different languages so Mika helped me learn so we could eavesdrop through the door and underneath the table," Mello said fondly, a warm glow in his eyes before he wiped it out.

"We'll start with Portuguese though, and maybe we'll learn languages from farther east, I'll teach you German to."

Matt grinned and nodded, glad that Mello seemed to find something to drive him for now.

* * *

When it started to get dark, Mello convinced Matt to climb up onto the roof with him. There was enough space from their window to the next that they could lift themselves up without falling but Matt was still apprehensive.

Mello laid on his back and folded his arms across his stomach, a habit he had formed since he collapsed.

"Roger said I have to go back to the hospital for a check-up tomorrow," he said at last.

"What? But you're doing great!" Matt shouted, jolting up and leaning on his side to see Mello.

"They're doing X-Rays and a professional psychological evaluation, he says it's procedure but I don't think so."

"Mello-"

"I want you to come with me," Mello cut him off, eyes trained dutifully on the stars that were starting to come out.

"You sure?" Matt asked.

"Of course," Mello's tone was sure, but also quiet.

Maneuvering back down presented a bit of a problem and it took over an hour for the boys to get back in their dorm.

After changing into pajamas and crawling into Matt's bed, a thought crossed Mello's mind.

"Do you think Roger told L?" he whispered.

Matt felt his heart constrict.

Through all his worrying for Mello, he'd not thought once about if the genius detective knew or not. If Roger had told him, he would have contacted them right? Did Roger not want to bother him? They hadn't received a case update so they didn't know what he was doing currently. If he did find out, he could pull Mello from being his successor, and Matt didn't even want to think about how the blond would react to that.

"Do you want him to?" Matt asked carefully.

"I'd rather him find out directly than taking a look at me and figuring it out," Mello wanted to say, but he kept his mouth shut and buried his head in the pillow.

The boys said nothing more and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

Once Matt was deep into the REM cycle, Mello slipped away to the first floor bathroom.

Matt didn't register the loss of warmth in the bed, he was fitfully dreaming about what would happen if L found out.

Mello returned like he always did, after getting rid of the rancid taste of stomach acid, and snuggled under Matt's comforter, moving closer to the red head than he had before.

* * *

Wow, I feel like a terrible person.

For the record, Mello is one of my absolute favorites and all I can say in my defense is that I saw a headcanon and instantly started writing, and then...this happened. So, my apologies.

But yes, Mello relapses and has a check up and now the boys are worrying about if L knows anything...I picked a terrible place to stop, sorry. I also apologize if this chapter seemed a bit all over the place, I was trying to get some stuff out of the way so we can move on to chapter ten.

If you've got any questions, please ask. To the constant reviewers, you guys are my angels, thank you so much.

Be sure to tell me what you think!

Thank you Lovelies!

~wirenoose


	10. Chapter 10

I'm a loser guys, sorry. I've had way too much school work to deal with so I'm only just posting this now. I don't really have much to say other than, the usual warning and the massive thank you to all those who reviewed and stuck with this story through the small absence. You're the best!

**Warning: Bulimia**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note**

* * *

Matt woke Mello the next day by dragging him out of bed and hitting him with a pillow, jumping back before the furious blond could punch him or sweep his legs out from under him.

"What the hell?" he shouted, scrambling up and grabbing a pillow of his own, sending it sailing into Matt's face like a fluffy projectile.

"We start language training today so I figured I'd wake you up," Matt shrugged. He had already gotten dressed, though his hair was a complete mess, sticking up in seven directions.

"You should have woken me up sooner, today is the day I beat Near," Mello then headed into the bathroom to shower.

Matt let him, figuring that Mello was in a good mood so maybe he could afford not to hound him for a day.

Or at the very least, a morning.

By the time Mello had finished, Matt had brushed his hair and cleaned the lenses of his goggles.

"So..." he began, not quite sure how to broach the subject without Mello yelling at him, "Today's a good day then?"

Mello gave him a curious look before understanding what he was getting at.

"Call it what you will Matt," he said offhandedly.

Mello strode into their classroom and collapsed artfully into a seat, taking on an air of the chilly ice queen and cold superiority. Matt thought the look suited him.

Near was in the corner, fidgeting, trying to get his knee onto the chair without it digging into the edge of the desk. The image seemed to brighten Mello's day ever so slightly, never mind the fact that they would be going to the hospital later for reasons neither of them liked.

The class wasn't for every child at the orphanage, there were only five of them there. Aside from Near, Mello and Matt, Linda sat in the back, doodling and a boy named Henry sat near the front, nose buried in a book. Wammy's had a top ten, within that, a top five, and of course, a top three. This class was for the top five so learning would be easier given the student to teacher ratio.

As it happened, the first language they were to master, was Spanish. Mello, already being fluent, grinned before shooting a hate filled glare to Near.

The action was lost on the younger boy and he only nodded and turned back to trying to adjust his leg.

* * *

"Come on Mello," Matt had his arms around the older boy's waist and was trying to tug him away from the orphanage gates. Mello didn't want to go to his appointment and Matt had taken to manhandling him from their room and through the halls. He'd made it past the gates but Mello had his hands curled around the iron rods and was refusing to let go of them.

"No, I'm not going," he declared.

"You have to!"

"I don't _have_ to do anything!"

Matt gave a final tug but Mello held tighter and nothing was accomplished. Thoroughly put out by his friend's childish behavior, and unwillingness to get better, Matt played the only card he could.

He dug his fingers into Mello's side and tickled the boy for all he was worth.

Mello, not expecting the surprise attack, gasped and loosened his hold on the gate. Matt managed to pull him off and out to the waiting car that would drive them to the hospital.

As soon as the door shut, Mello punched Matt's arm and resolved to stare stonily out the window.

Soon, they pulled up to the hospital and Mello stiffened when Matt got out.

"Mells? Let's go," he said quietly, gesturing to the building.

As the automatic doors slid open, they were hit with the scent of disinfectant.

Mello bit his lip, twisting his hands and took a shaky breath. He didn't like hospitals, he never had. They were too sterile, too white, that bit reminded of Near. But all hatred for the sheep aside, he couldn't stand Hospitals. The blond noticed how he was wringing his hands and opted to hold onto one of Matt's, slipping their palms together instead of just grabbing his wrist like he normally would.

He was feeling a bit cold, but he was wearing a long sleeve. He figured it was just because he'd neglected to eat breakfast and had spent almost all of his shower time vomiting what little was left in his stomach from the night previous. If his stomach really was empty, then that would explain the chills. They'd happened before, not often because he usually covered up in his dark, almost sweater like, long sleeves. That managed to stave off most of the cold and the fact that Matt was practically a human space heater was also helpful.

Roger hadn't been able to take them because he had to take care of the orphanage so one of the History teachers was escorting them, no questions asked.

They sat in the waiting room and Mello let go of Matt, choosing instead to open up a chocolate bar as his mind spiraled into storm clouds and the red head pulled out his DS and began a game of Pokemon. It seemed like an eternity until a nurse called Mello into the hallway. He latched onto Matt and tugged him along.

"I'm afraid he can't-"

Mello fixed the nurse with a glare and she backed off, not willingly but the fire in Mello's eyes would have been enough to frighten an army veteran, let alone a nurse who'd only been employed for a week.

The room they were brought to appeared to be a standard clinic room, the paper sheet covered bed and the counter with the cupboards for the doctor, and chairs, one of which Matt sat down in and tucked his player into his pocket.

Matt watched in silence as the nurse took Mello's blood pressure and temperature as well as his heart beat before having him step on a scale. Mello screwed his eyes shut and refused to look at the numbers but Matt saw him peek at the nurse's chart when she set it down and if his face was anything to go by, Mello was not happy with the results.

The nurse nodded out after saying that the doctor would be in momentarily and if they could wait patiently that would be great. She didn't seem all that happy about leaving two children in a room full of medical equipment but she didn't really have a choice.

"You okay?" Matt asked, taking stock of Mello's slouched shoulders and bowed head. The blond sat on the bed, elbows locked at his side and his whole demeanor read like the world was about to collapse on him.

"Perfect," he growled.

Matt turned on his DS, switched to the sketch mode and took out the stylus, setting out to draw Mello since the blond obviously wasn't up to talking. The only sound in the room was the tap of the stylus against the screen and the occasional sharp breath from Mello. He had quite a lot of sketches of the blond. Some might find it odd or creepy but Matt didn't really care, it was just his way of preserving Mello in a way he knew the blond would never think about.

When the doctor came in, Matt put down his DS to focus on his friend.

"Ah, the nurse told me you brought a friend with you," his name badge read Ian Masters and after a quick cursory check, Matt deemed him alright.

Mello said nothing in response.

"I'm Matt," he figured since Mello wasn't going to introduce him, he'd have to do it himself.

"It's nice to meet you," he said before turning to Mello, "And that means you're Mello, correct?"

"Obviously," Matt noted the biting tone. Mello used that when he was on the offensive, it was a tone he used when talking to Sheridan during most of their sessions.

If the doctor noted it, which he most likely did, he didn't say anything.

Dr. Masters talked to Mello, asking him questions that Matt knew came straight from a print out, all the while intermingling normal questions, instructions and explanations. It seemed to put Mello at ease because he just held still and answered questions while the doctor took his heart rate and took a blood sample. Matt didn't think Mello was even aware of what was going on. Though he had to be considering each answer he gave the doctor was neither completely true nor false, they were questions that could mean anything but were actually quite accurate.

But that entire illusion was shattered when Dr. Masters mentioned the bulimia and how Mello found out about it.

Mello seized up and refused to say another word, hunching his shoulders forward

The doctor seemed to note the reaction and moved passed it, trying to reconstruct the ease Mello had presented previous. But it was lost now as Mello assumed a sort of protective catatonia, eyes fixed on the floor, hands clenched around the edge of the bed.

* * *

As they left the hospital, Matt slipped his hand into Mello's, guiding the blond out into the lot. Mello just jerked his gaze to their hands but said nothing, eventually fixing his eyes ahead and walking with the slight swagger he'd adopted through the years. He managed to take the lead and made sure that Matt was walking a half step behind, Matt figured it was an ego boost after what happened with the doctor.

Once they made it back to Wammy's Mello all but kicked the doors in and, for lack of a better word, strode to their dorm.

"I wanna beat something up," he declared once he started pacing.

Matt arched a brow.

"Like Near?"

"Exactly like Near," Mello settled for kicking the wall.

"If you do that Roger's not going to be so lenient this time."

"Roger can go to hell!"

Matt arched a brow and sat on his bed, not quite willing to approach the blond because he would do one of two thing. Bite him or, the most likely, punch him. Matt bruised easy so both of those outcomes were unwanted.

A knock at the door made the both of them jumped and suspicion instantly filled their heads. They had an idea of what this would be about.

Matt answered, noting how Mello was glaring at the door like it was fiend and sucked in his breath as Mr. Wammy stood there.

"Is L back then?" he asked, taking off his goggles, leaving them to hang at his neck.

"Yes, he wishes to speak to the both of you," Mr. Wammy said gently.

Matt cast a look to Mello.

He didn't like what he saw.

* * *

So, what do we think? I'm gonna cut it short today, because I'm currently in the middle of my Bio class and I really shouldn't be doing this right now but oh well.

Make sure to tell me what you think! If you've got any questions, feel free to ask.

Thanks Lovelies!

~wirenoose


	11. Chapter 11

Ugh, the last time I updated was Halloween. I'm sorry guys, my Chem class is kicking my ass and I'm behind on my science fair project so that's why this took so long. So terribly sorry.

But anyways, thank you to the lovely people who reviewed, you're amazing and you make my days brighter.

I'll shut up and let you read on now!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note**

* * *

Mello was pale, chalk white really, and his bright blue eyes were wide.

Mello looked _afraid_.

Mello never looked afraid.

"We'll be there in just a minute," Matt assured Mr. Wammy.

The old man seemed to understand and nodded, closing the door and leaving Matt and Mello to themselves.

"Mells-"

"He knows," Mello whispered, voice suddenly very hoarse.

"Mello it'll be alright-" Matt was cut off yet again as the blond began shaking.

"He knows and he's going to tell me that I can't be a successor anymore and he's gonna lock me up in a loony bin,"

Mello made to continue with his fearful rambling but Matt sat next to him and took his hand.

"L wouldn't do that Mello, you know that."

"No, I don't know that, that's the problem," Mello was rocking back and forth, his free arm was wrapped around his legs, knees just about tucked under his chin.

Matt let go of his hand and wrapped his arm around Mello's shoulders, pulling him close enough to give him a proper hug. Never mind that it was sideways. He let Mello worry and shake and borderline cry for a few more minutes before reminding him that L was in fact waiting and that no, he wouldn't do any of the things that Mello thought he was going to.

"And besides," he added once he got Mello standing, "he wants to see me to so I'll be there with you. You've got nothing to worry about."

Matt could see the negativity swirling in Mello's mind and pressed a chocolate bar into his hands. The blond scarfed it down before they even made it out the door.

They made their way to Mr. Wammy's office and Matt knocked on the door. A muffled come in was heard and they entered, taking a moment to marvel at their idol before sitting down.

L hadn't changed, he was still sickly pale and the dark circles under his eyes made him look like a panda. They really made him look like a raccoon but the children of Wammy's had decided not to insult their idol and chose a cuter animal. He wore his ever present baggy jeans and loose white long sleeve and his spindly fingers were busy stacking sugar cubes out of his tea cup, of which, contained more of a sugary sludge than actual tea. He was perched in his trademark crouch, spine curved dangerously close to that of someone who had scoliosis.

"Mello, Matt, good to see you two again," he said, looking to the boys on the couch.

"L," they said in unison, Mello's voice was quiet with worry.

"Now, I will be frank, Roger has explained to me what has transpired in my absence."

Mello gripped Matt's hand, fearing the worst. What if L sent him to a new orphanage? He would rather go to a hospital, at least Matt could visit him there. If he was taken out of the running for L's successors, then Near would definitely win.

And he couldn't allow that.

"Matt?" L called.

"Yes?"

"If you would be so kind as to get the DSM from the shelf there," he said quietly.

Matt, not comfortable with how the situation was turning, slowly got up and got the massive book from the bookshelf and handed it to the detective.

L spent a moment flipping through pages until he came across whatever it was that he was looking for. He cleared his throat and dragged his fingers down the page, stopping about half way.

"Bulimia Nervosa," he began, preparing to read off the criteria, "'A. Recurrent episodes of binge eating. An episode of binge eating is characterized by both of the following: Eating, in a discrete period of time' it says here, in a two hour time period 'an amount of food that is definitely larger than what most individuals would eat in a similar period of time under similar circumstances.' Also, 'A sense of lack of control over eating during the episode'."

The boys stared.

They expected L to do, well, _something, _but this, this was not it. Of all the low down, unethical things L had done, reading about Bulimia from the DSM, right to Mello's face no less, was not something they expected.

L continued reading criteria points 'B' through 'D' before coming to the rating of severity. He read them aloud and stopped at the rating titled _Severe.__  
_

"Someone with _Severe_ Bulimia Nervosa will have '8-13 episodes of inappropriate compensatory behaviors per week' does that sound correct?"

Mello and Matt had yet to say anything but the red head slowly nodded.

L closed the book and set aside his tea sludge and bag of sugar cubes, steepling his fingers before jamming one of his thumbs in his mouth.

"Mello," he began, softer, almost sounding human.

"Yes?" Matt winced as his friend's voice cracked. L noticed it as well.

"If you are worried about being taken out of the running for being my successor, there is nothing to fear. You've worked hard to get where you currently are and I believe that if I were to remove you, your condition would worsen," L's voice was quiet, calm, not at all monotone like it usually was.

"Really?" the grip on Matt's hand loosened ever so slightly.

"Yes, however, there is some action that must be taken as this behavior is in no way productive or safe to your well being," now L sounds tired, and the slightest bit confused.

"Matt," the red head looked up, "Roger tells me you've worked out some sort of system?"

"Oh, yeah, uh, well I figured since it's painful for Mells to throw- to- you know, with chocolate, he eats a bar of it when he feels low," he said, chastising himself for being unable to say 'throw up'. It was hard to say now for some reason, maybe because this was an intervention.

Mello's grip tightened again and Matt was starting to lose feeling in his fingers.

"Interesting, anything else?"

"Uh, at night, sometimes, we handcuff our wrists together so Mells doesn't sneak out," both of the boys' faces colored red and L only arched a brow.

"Handcuffs?"

"It's effective," Matt mumbled.

L nodded as if he was tucking the information away to use for later, though, the boys couldn't think of a single scenario where L would have to use handcuffs.

"From what I understand, you are also present for each meal, correct?"

"I make sure he eats," Matt intervened so he didn't have to hear Mello's voice crack anymore. It made his heart ache.

Wait, what?

"And exercise time?"

"One hour a day, I monitor that to," Matt said.

Mello tucked his legs up onto the couch and dropped his head to his knees, one arm beneath his legs and his other in Matt's lap, squeezing the blood from his hand.

L noted that as well.

"Alright, I will speak to Mello alone now," he gave Matt a look that said he was welcome to wait outside but that he shouldn't try to eavesdrop.

Mello bit his lip and gave Matt's hand one last squeeze before he let go and let the red head leave. Matt patted his shoulder and let his hand linger for a second longer than was strictly necessary before opening the door and sitting down against the wall, tipping his head back.

* * *

L took a look at his second successor.

He never visited enough, he knew that much, but still, he should have been able to see just how thin the blond boy was, how tiny he was when he arrived at Wammy's in the first place. He was the Great L, and he hadn't known that the young boy was bulimic. Bulimic! At age twelve no less!

"Mello?" L asked, trying to get the boy's attention as it had been fixed on his knees since he walked in.

"Yes?" again, there was the voice crack.

"I would be a hypocrite to judge you on food based matters given my own predicament but I cannot condone this behavior," he said firmly.

"Don't think I don't know that," Mello snapped. He felt bad for his actions almost immediately and bit his lip, drawing blood and L winced as the boy mumbled out an apology.

"Your reasons for it are your own Mello and I don't expect you to explain them to me, as much as I would like you to, but I can make a deal with you," the boy looked up at the prospect of a deal and L continued.

"I can stop your seeing Sheridan King if you give me weekly reports," he paused, mind whirring, "And let Matt help you, it's quite obvious that he's worried about you."

Mello mulled over the information and gnawed on his lip some more.

"What would I include in the reports?" he asked at last.

"Whether or not you've felt the urge to force yourself to vomit, I would like to know that, as well as how you are doing with your courses, and of your friendship with Matt, anything really. I will establish a video connection before you two go two go to sleep."

"Fine, and what do you mean by letting Matt help me?" his blue eyes narrowed and L allowed a small grin to worm its way onto his lips.

"Try not to push him away so much, he only has your best interests at heart, I'm sure."

Mello blinked slowly, owlishly but nodded all the same.

"Also," L said quickly, before the blond stood up, "to attempt not to be so violent with Near?"

Mello just grinned and dashed out the door.

Matt was waiting right outside and Mello tripped over him, his hands and arms taking the brunt of the fall.

"I wasn't eavesdropping, I swear," he protested, eyes veiled by orange lenses.

Mello picked himself up and held a hand down to Matt, who'd gotten pushed down to the ground in the process. The red head took it carefully, as if afraid Mello would do _something_.

"Come on, I'm in the clear apparently, and no more annoying as hell therapy sessions," he reported.

Matt turned to look over his shoulder, glancing at L who only nodded.

"That's great," he beamed, pulling Mello into a hug.

The door swung shut on L's sad smile.

* * *

Mm-hmm, some problems kind of sort of resolved. I couldn't wait to bring in L so here he is, and because of their new video calls, he'll be appearing more often. Near has kind of been in and out of this story so far but I don't really have him written in as having many appearances, he'll pop up again though, definitely.

Make sure to tell me what you think and ask questions if you need to.

Thanks Lovelies!

~wirenoose


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